The different beliefs and spiritual
teachings tell us much about forgiving those who harm us, those who wrong us,
those who backstab us and those who cheat us. Yet, no matter how profound these
word sound and what calming effects they have, we always find ourselves caught
in the traps of the same question "But how can we forgive someone who caused us all that pain?" that's a very reasonable question indeed but it
has an answer that can apply to all of us.
When someone lies to you, cheats you,
wrongs you and is unkind to you, we feel pain and we even sometimes say that
our heart is broken, but we shouldn't because this is not the truth. When they
break your heart, it's not your heart that they break but theirs. When they
wrong you, they wrong no one but themselves, when they lie, cheat and back-stab
you, they lie to no one, they cheat no one and backstab no one but themselves
because the bad guy here is not you, you remain true and faithful, you did
nothing wrong and hurt no one, so it's not your karma that is ruined, it's not
your path that is lost, it's not your good angel that has fallen and it's not
you who shall reap evil because it wasn't you who sow it in the first place, it
was all they, so any harm they do you is a harm they do themselves and you can
actually just get up, shake the dust off and leave with your dignity, your good
nature and your integrity remaining intact. You will be able to move on and all
you will be taking with you is the lesson that you learned from the whole experience, it is they who
will be left with their shame, their mistakes and the poisonous fruit they
planted. As a result, the pain you feel, don't make it yours, don't take it
personally because it isn't yours, it's theirs, your only pain is actually the
pain of seeing and knowing what those wretched ones brought onto themselves,
what bad karma they brought themselves, what misfortunes they will have to deal
with, your pain is nothing but feeling sorry for them. Therefore, when you see
this, when you see how ruined they are, when you see that with or without your
grudge they are doomed and they will have to reap one by one the evil they sow,
it becomes so easy to forgive them and walk away because your paths have parted
now; you are the honest and they are the liar, you are the kind and they are
the cruel, you are the loyal and they are the cheater and thus you are now
heading towards two different destinations. If they try hard, if they face the
consequences of their bad actions bravely and learn from them, your paths may
cross again but until then, you bear no grudge and you feel no pain because all
that had happened stopped being your problem because it was never yours. It was
theirs and it will always be.

Great post! It is hard not to take these things personally but the others are the ones who really hurt in the long run.
ReplyDeleteJanet Harllee
It has taken me some time but after having been molested as a boy; beaten senseless as a young boy and teen because someone could, I did find after much soul searching and some professional conversations that holding on to grudges and emotional pain holds you back from living a fulfilling life.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that in most cases when someone resorts to abuse or causes others pain without cause - they, themselves, are in pain and have been caused pain. I made a decision as an adult that I did not want to live my life in regret.
I'm really sorry that you've been through all that but I'm also thinking: what great losers those abusers must be! they have lost themselves and that's the greatest loss of all losses. I have been abused and used in my life in some different ways but I learned that those who harm us can harm us twice, once by the act itself and twice through taking away our peace of mind and making our life bitter and unhealthy through hate, grudge and desire for revenge. You can't control the first, but you can control the second and this way you won't allow them win..
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